Another reason we need to be mindful of
what determines what we choose is that whatever we choose per time, goes round
to define who we are and who we become. At the point of deciding for a choice,
we have all the authority to decide which way the pendulum swings, however
after that moment, we lose control of the effect of such choice over our
affairs. Therefore you discover that today’s realities are results of
yesterday’s choices: good or bad.
As infants we did not have the opportunity
of making our choices ourselves, our parents made those choices on our behalf,
based on the conditions and options available to them. We however have had to
live by those choices they made for us until such a time we are able to
influence it directly. For instance, we had no choice about who our parents are
and where we were born, in terms of condition and location, but we have had to
live as people from such places and from such parents all our life. We may not
even like either or both of them but there is little we can do to change it. Even
if we change citizenship, our birth records remain the same and we cannot
change it. If we can be so influenced by what we did not have power over, how
much more the choices we make by ourselves.
When we become more aware of our
environment, we tend to begin to refuse some choices they have made for us. Remember
the times you refused to eat a particular type of food and therefore had to
forfeit a meal. That was a choice you simply made. It continues to the choice
of relationships. This becomes your first chance to correct whatever you think
was wrong with your relationships. It could also be the time to destroy the
good things in your relationship until that moment. When you are a teenager, parents are
encouraged to monitor and know who your friends are, yet there is a limit to
this. They may have seen the friend when he visits your home, but you know what
kind of person your friend is by the things he says and does, when your parents
are not there.
If your friend is good, he would influence
you rightly, if he is evil, he would influence you wrongly. I had such
experience as a teenager. Though I have eventually corrected the wrong
influence, it was an experience I did not like when it played out. This is the
reason we ought to be mindful of what values are important to us and put them
into consideration before making our choices. Though my case was that of
ignorance, I am writing this to save someone from such situation.
Another place where we live with our choice
in relationship is in the area of marriage. Many things motivate the choice of
who you choose to marry. Some people marry because they had become friends with
certain person for a long time and therefore feel obligated to marry them. Some
marry out of sympathy with a childhood friend whom they thought it would not be
right to ‘abandon’ at the level of marriage. Yet some others marry because
someone had become pregnant for them. Others also marry because the other
person’s family is their family friend, while some marry because they are of
same social background with the other family. Another reason people marry is
tribe of origin. All these reasons may appear good, but really say nothing
about the personality of the people getting married.
What plays out when the personality of
those getting married is not properly considered, is that both individuals go
into marriage not knowing each other as they should. They keep seeing and
enduring surprises through their marital life. At this point they have no one
to blame. It was their choice to accept or refuse being married at the time
they did. The opposite is what happens when people choose to marry based on
appreciable knowledge of each other. This level of knowledge has to do with
knowing person’s life purpose, values, beliefs, temperament and agreeing with
them. It does not take much for such people to blend and enjoy bliss in their marriage.
Before you make the next choice, please be
sure you are taking the right decision, because the effect will surely seek you
out whether good or bad.
Talks
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