Recently I was discussing with a friend of
eight years, who got married at 27 and we got talking about this question. He
told me he got married when he did because God told him about it some years
before then, and when it was time God still reminded him. He concluded that he
had to go ahead and marry even though his plan at the time was to travel out of
the country and do a Masters programme. He said he was further convinced
because he met a lady, he considered a good wife material. I believe it was
also more convincing to him because he already had a good paying job at the
time.
Over three years down the line, he is yet to go for the Masters
programme, but he says he has no regrets getting married when he did, because
that was how God wanted it to be for him.
Like my friend, several of us have our
reasons for getting married when we did. Lately I have been thinking about the
connection around marriage, purpose, vision, success for a man. So I decided to
first explore the reasons people get married the time they do.
One of the reasons I hear people marry when
they do is that they are of age. Inasmuch as the issue of age should play a
role in this decision, I tend to have questions about this reason. Is there a
universally acceptable marriage age? Is the issue of age in marriage not really
a subjective decision of the persons involved? It is a fact that at certain
age, it may be easier to get someone to marry for both male and female, yet if
for any reason one fails to get someone to marry at such age, it does not mean
that the chances are closed. So if someone had set their mind on a certain age
usually between 25-30 years to get married and fails to realize that, there is
no need to commit suicide, because someone somewhere in that same situation has
got married and is enjoying their marriage.
Another reason people say they marry when
they did is that they are the only child of their parents, especially for the
male child. They justify this by saying that the parents want to see their grand-children
before they die therefore, the need for them to quickly marry. They also cite
the need to ensure that the only child perpetuates the family name, so the need
to marry early and begin to bear children. The question is, if the parents
really needed more children, why did they stop bearing them. If they wanted,
but did not eventually get, will asking the child to marry early guarantee early
child bearing?
Again some people have gotten married simply
because they thought they had the financial resources to do so. Such people
believe that ones they have the money, nothing else should hinder them from
getting someone to marry. Now, is money the major need of a genuine wife? Is there
a guarantee that the person they married did not agree to marry them because of
the wealth? If that is the case, what happens, if for any reason, the wealth
diminishes?
These are among some reasons people marry
when they do. Without trying to condemn the proponents of these, knowing that
certain circumstances may have led to these conclusions, may I submit that there
is more to ensuring a lasting marriage than these reasons. These reasons do not
pay attention to the personalities involved, yet they are the ones getting
married to each other, not the circumstances around their lives. These reasons have
tried to primarily justify the circumstances and getting married as the
solution.
My recommendation is that people should
seek to marry based on the personalities they meet, who they are and what they
live by. These are the things the two people would eventually live with, when
they are in marriage.
Therefore people seeking to get married
should begin by evaluating their own lives. First by building character,
setting values that should form the standards for the things they do,
discovering their purpose and aligning their life with it.
It is on this basis they can seek who to
marry, or expect someone to marry them. On this basis, they would check
compatibility, adaptability and acceptability. On this basis, they would weigh
the chemistry and attraction they have; on this basis they would verify what
they have for the other person, whether it is true Love or mere infatuation.
Talks
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