Certain personality types are known for certain
form of attitudes. For instance, the Sanguine is normally an excited
personality. She is always willing to become friends with people and sometimes
it is difficult to decipher between when they are happy and when they are not.
With such personality, it is difficult for pain to completely make them sad.
This is not the case with the melancholy
who is known to be a moody personality. With melancholy, it is difficult to
know when they are happy. Sometimes they appear difficult to be with, because
their mood makes it appear as though nothing pleases them. Therefore while in
pain, they may easily slide into resentment and even depression.
I have realized from experience that every
person has the right of choice on which atmosphere prevails around them. If you
maintain positive atmosphere in your thinking and attitude, it is easier to
deal with pain. On the other hand, if you allow negative atmosphere, pain may
prevail.
We begin maintaining positive atmosphere
from the thought place. It means we have to maintain positive thoughts. These
include thoughts of Love, peace, joy, success and kindness. What happens is
that when we maintain such thoughts, we are motivated to respond to situations
that way. When painful situation wants to introduce hateful feelings, Love
refuses and presents explanations for the target, resulting rather in care
instead of hate. When pain comes with a tendency to quarrel, peace rises,
offering understanding and calls for calm.
We also begin maintaining negative
atmosphere from our thinking. When there is fear, anxiety and other defeatist
thoughts at the thought place, they become the foundation of our response to
situations. Even when situation appears pleasant, the state of the mind, which
dictates your attitude to the situation, tends to make you find faults, develop
doubts and re-enforce pain.
When we lost our dad in 1992, I was a
teenager in the secondary school. I was also the eldest child at home that
period and therefore had to be handling issues as they arose till my elder
brothers arrived. One thing I realized was that I developed some level of strength
within me. I was strong in my mind and that dictated how I approached issues. When
I had to visit some distant relatives and invite them to our place because we
did not want them to hear from afar, they could not decipher from my
countenance and composure that anything sad had happened.
This was not the case when I was seeking for whom to marry. Because of the several ‘rejections’ I had experienced, I developed some level of pity for myself. That introduced certain negative emotions including desperation in me. Sometimes I would cry all alone, and sometimes when I prayed, it was rather emotional than spiritual. At a point I almost developed jealousy for very close friends whose relationship was working. I acted as though it would never happen and allowed pain to take its toll on me. I had to consciously leave that atmosphere as I worked on my thinking, before I got my wife.
Among all positive attitudes, I have learnt
to hope at all times. This attitude of hope keeps me secured from negative
emotions during challenges. This positive assurance that the situation would
change for better, provides a platform for patience and faith till the
situation changes. Without hope, fear takes over faith and anxiety replaces
patience, leaving the victim in rather precarious state.
Pain may be lurking around even now; you
may not be able to stop it from coming, but you can decide how it meets you. Defeat
every challenge in your mind before it shows up; remain hopeful and refuse to
surrender to doubt.
Another positive attitude that defeats pain
is joy. What I have realized about joy is it comes from within. It is different
from happiness, which is a result of a happening. It means that happiness waits
for something good to happen before it kicks in; joy is not that way.
Joy is excitement that leads to laughter,
singing, dancing, shouts and the likes when nothing special has happened. It dictates
the pace whenever it is in place. Joy is conscious of what happens in its
environment, but does not yield to it if it is not positive, instead it would
convert it to positive. Joy is extraordinary and sometimes unspeakable.
You have the key to your feelings and
attitudes. Don’t give it to situations and circumstances. Direct circumstances
to the room you want them to stay in your life; don’t allow them make you a
tenant in the house you have authority over.
Talks
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