To have a crush on someone means to have a strong but
often brief feeling of love for someone (Oxford Advanced Learners dictionary).
It is a burning desire to be with
someone who you find very attractive and extremely special. Most times this feeling of love doesn’t get expressed
to the person. The person having the feeling wants to get the attention of the
other person by showing interest in what they feel may interest the other
person, believing that by so doing, they would establish attraction for each
other. But as the dictionary definition shows, it does not really last.
The
person is referred to as one’s crush. There is also infatuation which is
described as having a very strong passion for somebody or something that prevents
one from thinking about them in a balanced and sensible way. Both do not last long. Oftentimes however
some people do not realise that the love and passion had ended, they still tend
to pursue an intimate relationship with the other most times struggling to make
something out of nothing. In fact some fail to realise that the person on whom
they have a crush may actually be seeing someone else in a more stable
relationship.
I probably did not know the difference between having
a crush or being infatuated and really liking someone for quite a while growing
up. However I realised that there were people of opposite sex whom I admired
but never had the opportunity of saying anything to them because the admiration
soon faded. Realizing that it could have been a case of infatuation later in
life helped me deal with handling such feelings henceforth.
Certain people have described what ended up becoming a
lasting relationship between them and another person as love at first sight.
There are arguments for or against the reality of this among psychologists;
however the fact that we have loving lasting marriages which the couples have
described their meeting as such could mean that it is real. One of the things
argued against it is that it is based on physical attributes of the person and
not the internal attributes. So the opponents believe that it is merely sexual
attraction, and that the presence of other positive attributes that are not
visible is only in the imagination. The important thing here is that they acknowledge
those attributes in the imagination. If they are able to sustain such
imagination, they are able to relate with the objects and verify the reality of
their imaginations. So it may be safe to say that while love at first sight can
transform and lead to the altar, crush or infatuation does not. This is why we
needed to begin this discussion by showing the differences to enable younger
people understand which one they may be having per time.
Perhaps some crushes actually grow into fruitful
relationships also, but not all are meant to be so. Not knowing how to
distinguish between those that should and those that should not, have led to
people struggling to make certain relationships work. Some end up destroying
their lives if the relationship fails, while others develop hatred for a
particular gender or persons from a particular area because the relationship
they thought they had never worked. Some of the reasons these happen include:
· Ignorance: Not knowing what crush means and how to handle it could mislead
people. Because crush is a feeling, sometimes it could be deceitful and one may
have lost their sense of reasons because they are consumed with the sensual
thought of the other person they have a crush on.
·
Desperation: Sometimes someone knows that what they are feeling
appears transient, but because they are under pressure on account of age or
unfounded competition, they continue in pursuit of a relationship.
·
Wrong counsel: Another reason is wrong counsel. When someone has a
crush and is confused, they tend to seek advice from their peers. Such advice
may be based on immaturity. Because they are ignorant they agree to pursue a
relationship out of the crush.
·
Immaturity: Having a crush sometimes does not respect age. So
people have crushes as teenagers and as young adults. Some people have had to
pursue relationship with their teenage crushes until both of them either end up
in unwanted pregnancy or forced marriage. Some of the outcomes have led to the
victims dropping from school.
In order to avoid these situations, it is necessary to
have a proper understanding of what forms of crushes are available as well as
how to manage them. Wikihow.com shows four different kinds of crush.
The Friendly Crush: It is
important to remember that not all strong feelings are romantic. Allowing yourself
trust someone and become really close to someone, without necessarily having
romantic feelings for him/her, is a really special thing. Wanting to be around
a person all the time may just mean that you have gone from friends to best friends.
The Admiration Crush: When
you idolize a person (like a celebrity, teacher, or classmate who has done
something really cool) you may realize that you have really intense feelings
about that person and what he/she has done. These feelings might be mistaken
for romantic feelings simply because they are so intense. Feeling slightly awed
in the presence of someone who has done something amazing or can teach you
great things is natural. Often, it’s best to let a bit of time pass before
really thinking too hard about these feelings. Generally once you have spent a
lot of time with this person, you will have learned a lot from them and may
begin to feel like you can stand on equal ground. You may find that your
crush-like feelings simmer down once the initial awe of being in his/her presence
wears off.
The Passing Crush: It is
human nature to be attracted to other people. Even if you are in a great
relationship, you still might find that you feel attracted to someone other
than your boyfriend/girlfriend. This attraction is what we call a passing
crush-- this new person may seem new and exciting, and he/she probably is, but
that doesn’t mean you should reconsider the relationship you are in or, if
you’re single, drop everything to try to be with him/her. Often times, passing
crushes are spiked by being attracted--most often physically--to someone.
The Romantic Crush: Sometimes having a crush on someone really does
mean you really, really like them--and in a romantic way at that. Having a
romantic crush means that you want to be with that person in more than just a
friendly way--you want to be his/her boyfriend or girlfriend. If you fantasize
about kissing, holding hands with, or cuddling with that person, you probably
have a romantic crush.
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