Considering that communication is known to be the bed
rock of every lasting relationship, it is necessary to explore the importance
of talking in a marriage. Why should
couples talk? How can couple maintain a healthy talking culture in their
marriage?
First, Communication is the act of sharing messages in
form of ideas, feelings, and information from one source to another. It can be
verbal or non-verbal. It can also be between two people or among a group of
people. This article focuses on verbal communication between married couple.
WHY SHOULD COUPLES TALK
Talking
is healthy to human emotions:
When you talk, you are able to express yourselves and relieve stress. Instead
of holding wrongs in your heart, talk about the issue; it helps healing from
the hurt.
Talking
helps maintain bond:
The more you talk with each other the more you understand each other and tend
to be closer to each other.
Talking
is gateway to romance:
Certain romantic words are expressed verbally. Couples who master the act of
talking find interesting ways of verbally expressing their affection to each
other. They find it easy to affirm each other in words.
Talking
encourages openness:
When couples are fond of talking with each other, it is easier for them to
freely discuss issues without hiding them from their spouse. This way both of
them are accountable to each other and they maintain mutual trust.
Talking
helps in parenting:
When couples are fund of talking with each other, they help their children
develop same culture of talking. Children are able to approach and talk with
them on issues with ease.
Talking
encourages listening:
Effective conversation requires feedback; proper feedback requires intentional
listening. Couples that talk with each other openly pay attention to what they
say and such attention ensures effective feedback.
HOW TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY
TALKING CULTURE
Be
honest about the issue you talk about: Always remember that the person you are talking with
is your spouse. Don’t give information that is not true in order to impress.
The day the person finds out the truth, it won’t be a good experience.
Choose
your words; chew your words:
Be mindful not to talk impulsively. Check that you have chosen the right word
for the right situation. Think it through before you say it. Remember that once
it is spoken, it cannot be retracted without being remembered by the recipient.
Correct
without debasing:
One of the reasons couples talk is for the purpose of correcting each other.
While this may be necessary; it must be done without demeaning the other person
or debasing them. They already know that they have a weakness, there is no need
putting it to their face. They deserve help not condemnation. Let the person
feel the love that goes with the correction.
Talk
at the right time:
Couples can talk at any time of the day. However certain discussions require
certain moments in order to ensure the impact. For example: If a spouse is
tired and feeling sleepy, that’s not a time to discuss about a new idea. If
someone is agitated and seeking comfort, that’s not a time to confront them
with something they did that requires correction.
Use
your words to express affection: Oftentimes, couples keep their loving feelings about each other to
their mind. They believe that the person should know that they are loved and
appreciated. I believe that couples should express their love to each other
without inhibitions. Tell the person how much they are loved and cherished.
Talk
about Everything: The home and
the marriage would enjoy harmony when there is nothing that cannot be
discussed. The past, the present and the future issues concerning the couple
and their marriage can be raised by any of the spouses for the right reasons.
This fosters openness and helps maintain trust.
Talk
for the fun of it: One
thing I do and encourage couples to do is to find ways of making fun out of
most issues. This helps in ensuring an atmosphere that is free from tension and
suspicion. So I believe that couples must not sit and decide a topic to discuss
about all the time. However any of them can start a gist and in the process
very important decisions are made without tense argument. Tease each other;
mimic each other and use past events to create a talking point.
Be
mindful of Non-Verbal cues: Research shows that 55% of
communication is non-verbal. This includes body language, gesticulations, facial
expression and tone among others. Couples should be mindful of this while
talking with each other. Many times it is not what is said but how it is said
that aggravates an issue or resolves it. This is one of the reasons to avoid
discussing major issues in the dark. Though people may hear each other, they
will not be able to see facial expression and other non-verbal cues.
I believe that this edition has been a blessing to someone. Your
comments are appreciated.
Talks
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