Being married and staying
married should be the desire of every couple who decide to marry each other.
Though it has gradually become the norm in various places that people marry and
decide to end the marriage after a short period; staying married remains the
true representation of God’s expectation for every marriage. (That is why a man leaves his father and mother
and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh, Genesis 2:24). When two people become
one, there is really no room for splitting from the beginning.
Staying married requires
building and maintaining trust in the relationship. It is often said that trust
is earned; meaning that there are certain expectations of each other in a
relationship that would help people trust themselves. The major ingredient that
fosters trust is openness. It can also be interpreted as being intentionally
vulnerable. No wonder the next verse after the bible talked about two becoming
one, is a report of the first couple that they were both naked, and were not
ashamed, (Genesis 2: 25). Being intentionally vulnerable is akin to being naked
and not ashamed. It is about each spouse being deliberate on issues of
accountability to each other on every issue without being afraid that they
would be taken advantage of. I know that this appears almost impossible between
many couples today, but that is the true expectation of God concerning marriage.
This article comes in two
parts, the first part discusses the areas couples must develop and maintain
trust and the reasons for considering those areas. The second part will discuss
the way to achieve trust in those areas. I believe that married people should
develop and maintain trust in the areas of Finance, Spirituality, Sex,
Relationship with in-laws, Relationship with opposite sex and Parenting.
FINANCE: When God says that two shall
become one, I believe that finance is a major area where this should happen in
marriage. Two people who unite in marriage come with strong financial
capabilities, however when they unite they develop stronger force in that area.
Therefore it should not really matter who earns more or who does not earn at
all. It is now the family economy, no longer for the individual alone. The
reason couples should develop trust in the area of finance is that it is needed
for virtually every material asset the family possesses. Also if any one passes
on before the other, it is a major asset that can be transferred for the good
of the family. Disagreements in the area of finance have led to divorce in
homes, and this should not be so, if trust is developed and sustained between
the couple. The many ways to develop and maintain trust in the area of finance
will be discussed in the next part of this article.
SPIRITUALITY: This has to do with one’s
personal commitment to God. It is often said that the spiritual controls the
physical. The state of a couple’s relationship with God dictates the nature of
the spiritual atmosphere in the home. Couples should not be in doubt about each
other’s level of commitment to God because that could lead to assumptions,
which is not a strong basis for actions most of the time. Couples need to
constantly remember that God is the head of all things including their home and
that they are custodians of their children, so they owe a responsibility to run
a home that is deliberate about walking with God. We will discuss how couples
can achieve this in the second part of this article.
SEX: Sex plays certain roles in
marriage, which cannot be replaced by any other thing. It is one thing most
people look forward to while getting married, because it is only in marriage
that sex is done without any form of guilt. No one questions sex in marriage.
It is fully legitimate within marriage.
Every spouse comes into marriage with certain orientation about sex.
However when they meet their spouse, they ought to understand each other in the
area of sex in order to ensure harmony in the home. Marriages have been
separated on account of sex in marriage and this should not be so. Developing
and maintaining trust in the area of sex would save such marriages.
RELATIONSHIP WITH IN-LAWS: Every
married man and married woman has technically become members of two families by
reason of their union. When a spouse continually prefers to deal with their own
family and treats the other with any level of disdain, it affects harmony in
the home. Also if a family of either of the spouses begins to interfere unduly
in the affairs of the married couple, it results in strife. Therefore there is
need for couples to develop trust between each other in their relationship with
in-laws so that such relationship would be mutually beneficial. God also
empowered parents to bless their children; receiving such blessings should be a
good reason to ensure that an issue of relating with in-laws is handled with
care in the home.
RELATIONSHIP WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX: As unmarried adults we were free to share friendships with people
of opposite sex. However having chosen each other from the pool of those
friends, there is need to redefine the nature of our relationship with others.
What goes on in such friendships before marriage should normally be supplied by
the person you are now married to. Therefore going beyond that person to
develop another level of relationship should require developing and maintaining
trust between the couples. Couples will not completely cease from relating with
people of opposite sex while in marriage because they meet such people at work,
in business among other places. However the nature and extent of relationship
ought to be defined and the other spouse should know. How to achieve this will
be discussed in the second part of the article.
PARENTING: Couples get into marriage
having little or no knowledge and experience of parenting. They may only be
able to recall how they were raised and how they have watched other people
raise their children. There is need to develop a parenting style that suits the
family’s socio-economic, cultural and spiritual standards. This is necessary to
ensure that both parents are constantly on the same page in decisions
concerning the children. Parents cannot effectively leave the upbringing of
their children in the hands of teachers or their grand-parents alone. These may
assist as time goes on, but parents must dictate the terms by inculcating the
family’s values and cultures in the children. We will discuss how to ensure
trust between couples in the area of parenting in the second part of the
article.
I believe that this edition has been a blessing to someone. Your
comments are appreciated.
Talks
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