The period
immediately after the wedding is often filled with couples expressing fondness
towards each other. Most newly-weds take time off on holiday to relax and begin
building the bond their relationship requires to thrive. Though the short
holiday is often regarded as honeymoon; the period of honeymoon for a newly-wed
actually exceeds those few days of exclusive holiday. It includes up to over a
month after the wedding, when they are full of passion for each other, always
wanting to be around each other, enjoying passionate sex and freedom. This is
the period that climaxes all the attraction they felt for each other during
courtship.
However
shortly after this period, the passion appears to wane; the spark appears to
have gone off. In some cases, couples begin finding faults with each other’s
actions. Some couples begin to spot what they term irreconcilable differences.
Interestingly, some of the things couples complain about each other at such
times are the very reasons they chose to marry each other. Some of these issues
may have been noticed but were overlooked or downplayed during courtship. How
come they were overlooked then and are now issues to whine about? How would
couples overcome this season of sudden change and live continually in the spark
of the honeymoon season? This article considers some of the reasons the changes
happen and how to live above them in a marriage.
REASONS COUPLES LOSE THE SPARK
Closeness Increases Vulnerability: Before the wedding, couples saw each other from a
distance, so they could intentionally or unintentionally hide certain aspects
of their behaviour. As they begin living together, they are bound to be
themselves and open up certain things that the other person may not really cherish.
Awareness Increases Familiarity: The more aware couples are of each other’s
behaviours and attitude, the more familiar they become towards each other. With
this level of familiarity, it would appear they are taking each other for
granted. The newness of the relationship is gone; it appears that there is
nothing to be excited about.
Someone Has Moved On: This is usually said about men. It is believed that
men are hunters and handle issues as projects. When one project ends, they move
on to other things. When as a hunter they capture a game, they shift attention
to other issues.
Reality Has Set In: Dating and Courtship is different from marriage. The
responsibilities that come with marriage are more than what obtains in dating
and courtship. There is higher level of commitment and these present new
realities to a married couple.
The Chemistry Tends to Disappear: Chemistry is the force of attraction that comes with
meeting and developing close relationship. It is often described as someone
feeling butterflies in their body especially whenever they were with the other
person. It helps to heighten the desire for intimacy with someone and
facilitates sexual relationship. During the period after honeymoon, it appears
to have disappeared in the face of fresh realities.
HOW TO MAINTAIN THE SPARK
Cultivate Romance to Maintain Chemistry: During courtship, couples found ways of remaining
connected and that helped them maintain attraction. This should be continued in
marriage. Don’t end the calls; don’t stop sharing those messages; keep showing
those surprises. All these count in maintaining the spark during marriage.
Cherish the Qualities in Who You Married: Whatever physical, emotional, intellectual qualities
that made you choose your spouse has not changed. Remain focused on who you
married. Don’t begin to wish they were not there; if those things change, you
won’t like what you would get. However if there is physical change in weight,
contrary to what you admired in the person initially; work with the person to
manage it. It should not become a reason for misunderstanding.
Understand That You Are Different: Part of what couples desire at this point is to
change the person to be like them. This is not necessary; you are two different
people and cannot be the same. Acknowledge your differences and turn them into
strengths for the good of your marriage. Those were the bases of your initial
attraction to each other.
Realise That You Are Not Perfect: As realities set in in marriage, couples complain of
each other’s weaknesses. These weaknesses have been there but were not
complained about. It is important that couples realise that both of them are
not perfect, but work in progress. They should see their areas of strength as
complementing the other’s areas of weaknesses.
Lower Your Expectations: It is natural that someone would hope that marriage
will result in certain things they have been expecting. Whereas this is not
wrong, it is advisable to lower certain expectations to avoid the feeling of
disappointment if they are not met. It is better to lower an expectation and
have it met, than keep it high and feel disappointed in the end. A lady likes
sex and looked forward to having lots of it in marriage. However it turns out that
the husband appears not to want it as much as she desired. She had to re-align
her level of sexual desire.
Cultivate Trust Through Communication: Relationships are sustained on mutual trust.
Communication is the major tool that helps in developing trust. Communication facilitates
openness and transparency. When this is in place, couples are able to overcome
most challenges in their relationship.
Turn Your Values To Family Values: There are certain values that are unique about each
of you. Write them down and turn them into your family values. Remind each
other about them and cultivate them as your family grows.
Maintain Your Walk With God: Marriage is an institution established by God
himself. You cannot effectively run it outside His precepts, especially when
you already have a relationship with Him. Ensure you maintain that relationship
through prayers and study of God’s word. There is no challenge you cannot
overcome. Involve Him in your daily decisions and allow Him lead you. He gave
you the spark in the beginning; let Him help you maintain it.
I believe that this edition has been a blessing to someone. Your
comments are appreciated.
Talks
Post a Comment