HOW TO MANAGE PLEASANT IN-LAWS

As a child raised in a polygamous home, I witnessed cordial relationship between my dad and the families of the four wives. The man treated his wives equally and extended the same to their families. I still remember an occasion where one of the mothers-in-law visited our home and her daughter was not around. The reception and hospitality she enjoyed was not different from what it would have been if the daughter was at home. So she commented that, that was one thing she cherished about our family. She said she was always sure that she would be well taken care of whether her daughter was around or not.

Many times couples tend to take their in-laws for granted because those in-laws are simple and easy going. The tendency is to always ensure that the difficult ones are handled with care so that their attitude and conduct did not become a challenge to the family. Yet it is important that the pleasant in-laws are well managed to ensure continued harmony in the home.

Who is a pleasant in-law? I would describe such an in-law as one whose attitude and conduct towards the couple promote harmony and mutual satisfaction. A pleasant in-law does not interfere in the affairs of the married couple. They visit when necessary and do not make unnecessary demands of the couple. Even when either of the relatives in a marriage takes a complaint to a pleasant in-law, they are advised to return and resolve the issue with their spouse. This article looks at certain ways of ensuring that relationship with such in-laws is maintained for the benefit of both families.

TIPS TO CONSIDER

Identify what is most important to the pleasant in-law: This has to do with those values the in-law cherishes about you as a couple. What do you think convinced them to let you marry each other? Identify such and keep at it. Ensure that such values are maintained in your marriage. The in-laws want to see that happening; they want to know that you have maintained who you have always been.

Identify what the in-law appreciates: Having identified what the in-law would love to see happening in your marriage, it would be nice to also identify what the in-law appreciates. The reason for this is to know how to relate with them by reaching out to them in that area. Relationships thrive in sharing values and maintaining respect for one another. Therefore it is important you know what turns the in-law off and avoid it.

Maintain regular contact: This helps in nurturing the relationship. Contacts can be maintained in various ways. It could be through visits (if you live in the same city). It could also be by regular calls. Regular is different from frequent. Maintain what is necessary for such relationship so that your presence and calls does not become a nuisance to them.

Attend family functions: One thing that tends to bring families together is events organized by members of the family. Attending such events helps in-laws appreciate one another’s commitment to the harmonious relationship that thrive in the family.

Provide relevant support: It is important to bear in mind that you are part of that family. Therefore when there are issues that require your support, you should not hesitate to respond. This goes beyond financial support but includes financial support. Any relevant form of support that would benefit the family will always be appreciated, including sharing important information.