When couples decide to be married, they
look forward to a relationship that both of them would enjoy and be satisfied
in. However as they settle into marriage they discover that certain situations
arise that result in misunderstanding and snow-ball into quarrel. Stories of
people who quarrel often in their marriage tend to discourage others. Some end
up getting into marriage in fear of having to quarrel perpetually.
Even though there is no perfect
marriage, good marriages abound. Though a marriage may be filled with quarrels
right now also, it is important to look forward to when there would be little
or no quarrels. This article discusses what should be done to live in
a marriage free from quarrels.
Cultivate
your Core Values: This reduces friction in the home as
both spouses know the reasons for each other’s actions per time. I advocate
that individuals intending to marry should identify their individual personal
core values for the two of them to review. Such review is for the purpose of
choosing and adopting the ones that would eventually form the family's core
values. It means that the couple would agree to those adopted values and ensure
they live by them when they eventually marry. If anyone is struggling with some
of the values, the stronger person should influence them to align over
time.
Create
room for mutual evaluation: This point deals with periodically
finding out if there are some pending misgivings that have not been attended
to. Spouses ask each other if there is something that happened in recent past
that have not been fully dealt with. If any spouse identifies one or two, it is
explained and there is mutual understanding about action taken. Where necessary
there should be apology. This helps ensure that issues are not left hanging and
creating ill-feelings against each other.
Create
room for instant forgiveness: This requires that
each spouse has the attitude of forgiving the other without waiting for
apology. This is necessary because sometimes offence happens unintentionally.
There is need for couples to grow their love for each other, such that when
they feel offended, they forgive and then let the other person know that they
did not like how they made them feel later, when there is an opportunity for that.
The person who felt offended may also decide not to talk about it anymore and
ensure that it does not reflect in their actions towards the other person.
Develop
and maintain a sense of humour: Couples should
learn to laugh over issues. It has been discovered that smiling and laughing
have positive health implications. Hence couples should learn to communicate
even important issues via humour without sounding insulting. Use pet names for
each other and adopt certain codes to address certain things in the home.
Learn
to play with your spouse: In the midst of your activities,
please find time to play with each other. You do not need to wait for sex time
to play with your spouse. Throw pillow at each other, occasionally chase each
other round the room for no reason, try carrying each other, lol. Just do some
funny things with each other for the fun of it. Play indoor games.
Be
a good Listener: Listening is critical part of
communication. Sometimes misunderstandings happen because of poor listening. It
is not good to listen for response; the right thing is to listen for
understanding so that response would be accurate. Be attentive to your spouse
when the person is talking so that you understand what the person says, before
you respond. Avoid selective listening; instead ask for a later time for the
conversation. Every spouse wants to be properly heard, therefore don't ignore
them when they are talking to you.
Emotional maturity is an important
prerequisite to marriage. Each spouse owes the marriage a responsibility to
keep growing and improving their emotional intelligence for a healthy home.
Talks
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