“Now, getting down to the questions you
asked in your letter to me. First, is it a good thing to have sexual relations?
2-6 certainly—but only within a certain
context. It’s good for a man to have a wife, and for a woman to have a husband.
Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong enough to contain them and
provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual
disorder. The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality—the husband seeking to
satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a
place to “stand up for your rights.” Marriage is a decision to serve the other,
whether in bed or out. Abstaining from sex is permissible for a period of time
if you both agree to it, and if it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but
only for such times. Then come back together again. Satan has an ingenious way
of tempting us when we least expect it. I’m not, understand, commanding these
periods of abstinence—only providing my best counsel if you should choose them”
1 Corinthians 7: 2-6 (The Message).
This passage is the most
explicit in terms of biblical stand on sex for the married. The context shows
that it was a response by Apostle Paul to the Corinthian church regarding their
questions on the issue.
First is an acceptance
that sex is a good thing. In Genesis 1:31, God declared that everything He
created were very good. So, sex as a creation of God is very good thing. To be
a good thing means that it is beneficial and should be enjoyed. It is suitable
for man and pleasant. It’s not something to be shy about; it is something to be
deliberate about.
Now Paul is quick to add
that it is only within the context of a man and a woman who are married. We had
established in the previous post that:
“To be married means that the two people - man and
woman have fulfilled customary, religious and legal requirements for being
married. It does not mean living together, when these requirements are not yet
met; some people call it co-habitation, without even the intention to meet the
requirements. Also it does not mean same sex relationship. These are not
covered as marriage in the bible. So apart from those who have fulfilled the
requirements to be pronounced husband and wife, sex is not designed for any
other form of relationship according to the bible” (Ike, 2017).
He goes ahead to provide
an explanation to the reason sex is for the married. ‘Sexual drives are strong, but marriage is strong
enough to contain them and provide for a balanced and fulfilling sexual life in
a world of sexual disorder’ (1 Cor.7:3 MSG).
Notice that it is not so
that the married can procreate. No! It is to contain and manage sexual drive.
Marriage gives room for more sex than anyone can ever imagine. It gives room
for sex without guilt, without condemnation. Then the next reason is to provide
for a balance and fulfilling sexual life in a world of sexual disorder. There
is no need for sexual perversion, just get married and enjoy sex as you desire.
The world gives room for all forms of sexual disorder, (against what God
ordained). Engaging in them does not guarantee balanced and fulfilling sexual
life. Only sex within marriage does. If one engages in adultery, the person
could get killed by the other partner’s spouse or lose their marriage. Then
there is danger of sexually transmitted diseases and ultimately continued guilt
and possibility of child outside marriage. There is no fulfillment in engaging
in sexual perversion. True sexual fulfillment comes within marriage.
The next point gives the rules of engagement: ‘The marriage bed must be a
place of mutuality—the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to
satisfy her husband. Marriage is not a place to “stand up for your rights.”
Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out’ (1 Cor.7:4, MSG).
This further
explains why sexual fulfillment is only found within marriage. It is expected
that spouses should be selfless in marriage and especially on the issue of sex,
always willing to share one’s body with the other person. That means, whatever
both of them agrees to do is fine for them. There is no room for imposition; if
the man likes a sex style, he should discuss it with the woman, if she is
comfortable with it; they go ahead and vice versa. If someone says no, the
other should keep courting him or her until they agree. As a man all parts on
my body are no longer just for me; also as a woman, all parts of her body are
no longer just for her. The place of the other spouse is to ask and gain access
accordingly. Asking can be verbal; it can be by certain cues or actions. Anyone
can make the move; it is not the exclusive right of the man to initiate sex in
marriage; the wife equally has the full right to initiate sex.
Another rule
of engagement is: ‘Abstaining
from sex is permissible for a period of time if you both agree to it, and if
it’s for the purposes of prayer and fasting—but only for such times. Then come
back together again’ (1 Cor.7:5
MSG).
Actually he
adds that this aspect is just his opinion. That means that there is actually no
room for abstinence in marriage. The concession is only for spiritual exercise
to take place, but must be with the other spouse’s agreement. So if one person
feels he/she needs to be off sex for spiritual reason, the other person has to
give consent or else sex still takes place as the spiritual exercise lasts.
In summary what does the bible
say about sex for the married?
·
Sex is a good thing, exercised
only within marriage
·
Sexual drive is strong and can
only be handled within marriage
·
Sex in marriage brings balance
and fulfillment and saves from the dangers of sexual perversion
·
Sex in marriage is with mutual
consent; selflessness. No room for selfishness
·
Abstinence is only allowed with
mutual agreement, for a time of spiritual exercise.
I believe that this edition has been a blessing to someone, next
edition we discuss on the reasons women respond to sex the way they do.
Kindly send all questions to nwanduike@gmail.com.
Talks
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