SEX FOR THE MARRIED

I have struggled with the idea of writing on sex for some time now. The more I discussed with my wife and my very close friend about doing so, the more restricted I felt. However over time as the desire to do so persist, I realized that the restrictions were not real. They were born of imaginary perception that people would begin to see me as someone that liked talking about sex and therefore likes having sex.

However this imaginary perception becomes less necessary when I remember that there are more reasons I should openly discuss sex for the married than there are reasons not to do so. One of the reasons I realise it is necessary is because most written materials about sex on the internet appear to encourage that everyone should be having sex – married or not.  Another reason is that there are married couples whose sex life is suffering because one of them is tied to certain myths about sex. Another reason is that as a Bible centred person, I am convinced that married couples should be encouraged to enjoy sex and satisfy each other doing so. I will therefore be sharing based on that understanding.

May I however mention that information I will be sharing in this series can bring certain level of solution to some challenges couples may be facing but do not preclude the need to seek medical help where the need arises. Also I recognise that for most couples, sex is a very private transaction, therefore while I can guarantee the authenticity of the ideas I will be sharing, I will encourage that ideas are discussed and agreed between spouses before they are implemented.

WHY SEX FOR THE MARRIED?

As I mentioned in the introductory remarks, most articles on the internet are written for everyone who feels like having sex. However I realize that when products are created, the best person to tell how it should be used is the manufacturer. To that extent, if sexual intercourse was created by God, He is the most reliable source to define how it was designed to be applied. As a Bible centred person, I believe that what the Bible says are from God, because the writers accept that they were inspired by Him to do so. Therefore if the Bible teaches that sex is for the married, then that’s what it is for me. I grew up with this understanding and so relied on God to help me keep myself from having sex till I married and He did. So every time I discuss sex, it has to be within the confines of marriage. It does not really matter what is happening in our society, instead of complaining about that, I have chosen to write and encourage the proper thing.

Some times when I think of this issue these days I wonder if I would have been enjoying sex the way I do if I had started doing it with my then fiancée now my wife before we got married. I also imagine that there is a possibility I would be having some challenges while having sex with my wife if I had done it with some other ladies in the past. This is considering that there would possibly be room for comparisons in the areas of who is better between the then sex partners and my wife. Looking back at the first sex with my wife on our wedding night, I wonder if there would have been anything to be excited about or to look forward to, if we had been having sex together before that day. Certainly God has His reasons for designing that it is preserved for marriage and if people do not steal because God says it is not good to steal; then those who are engaging in pre-marital sex and encouraging it for whatever reason, must be doing something that God frowns at.

Nevertheless I fully accept that in the midst of many visuals and access to some information in our society today, people have real pressures staying without having sex. I had those pressures too as an unmarried adult. However as I earlier said, I had to trust God to help me. Besides that also, I made up my mind that I would not do it until I am married. When I started a relationship, we reinforced the resolve, because she also believed it has to be so. There were situations that would have led to this happening in the course of our courtship, but this resolve and most importantly God’s help sustained us. I know of many people who have also taken this path of waiting till marriage in 21^st century and they have similar result. If God designed for it to be till marriage, then He must have a way of sustaining people till such time.

Another important clarification is about what it means to be married. To be married means that the two people - man and woman have fulfilled customary, religious and legal requirements for being married. It does not mean living together, when these requirements are not yet met; some people call it co-habitation, without even the intention to meet the requirements. Also it does not mean same sex relationship. These are not covered as marriage in the bible. So apart from those who have fulfilled the requirements to be pronounced husband and wife, sex is not designed for any other form of relationship according to the bible.