As a secondary school (college)
student, I noticed that most students were always excited to be in class
whenever the topic had to do with the reproductive system. As someone who was
growing up in a strict religious home, I was mostly naïve about certain forms
of discussion including sexual relationships at such younger age. Overtime I
realised that the excitement my mates showed was about learning the
reproductive parts of the body especially the female reproductive organ. They
would usually discuss it afterwards for fun. I never joined in such discussions
nor bothered myself to see learning the reproductive parts beyond academic
purposes and I grew up that way.
However as we prepared for our
wedding and discussed sex between each other and at the pre-marital counselling
classes, I realized I needed a better knowledge of the female sex organ. I
needed the knowledge for a higher purpose than just fun time discussions. I
needed to understand how the organ works and how to apply it in pleasing my
wife sexually. It dawned on me that no matter how much I go over the diagram, I
would not have a proper knowledge until I see it, and learn from my wife. This ‘revelation’
was also true for my wife concerning the male sex organ.
The first thing I realized is
that the major organs of the body referred to as sex organs: Vagina for female
and Penis for male are not the only sex organs. They may be the only parts
attributed as being sex organs because of the major role they play, but other
parts of the body equally play complementary roles to make sex between husband
and wife a worthwhile experience. Engaging one’s spouse to learn how the
person’s body responds to sex is important for both spouses. Not paying attention
to how the other person’s body responds could portray a spouse as being
self-centred. This may particularly apply to the husbands, yet wives also need
to care about how their husbands’ body responds so that they know what to do
per time for the benefit of their marriage. Apart from knowing what is general
for a male and female body, spouses also need to know what is special about
each other’s body as individuals. What works for a particular husband or wife
may not necessarily be exactly the same for another man or woman. So a wife and
a husband need to understand what works for their spouse beyond the general
expectations.
Another thing to note
concerning the body and sex is that the mind is the most important sex organ.
Nothing much makes impact physically unless someone is mentally connected to
having sex with the other person per time. Therefore thinking about one’s
spouse in a pleasant manner could lead to thinking about sex with the person
and the body would respond through the major sex organs desiring a form of
intimacy. At that level of feeling, if the other spouse is around, the spouse
who has the desire would need to bring the other person to that level also by
touching relevant parts of the body. When such touch takes place, it sends some
signals to the brain and the thought of sex is transmitted to the mind. It is
important to know which part of the body to touch to get the desired result.
Apart from touching, the body also responds to kissing. So it is either a
spouse decides to touch a particular place or kiss a particular place to get
the desired result per time.
A wife’s body has many parts
that should be explored during sex to achieve pleasure for the couple. Whereas
the whole region of the organ is referred to as vagina, some major part of it
known as the clitoris plays a major role in heightening her pleasure during
sex. Stimulating these parts is a guaranteed way of giving her pleasure. The
other sexually sensitive part is the breast. The nipple in particular
guarantees pleasure when stimulated. Every husband should remember that the
wife’s breast is tender should be gently handled. Apart from these two, kissing
the lips is another place of stimulation. Couples should learn to kiss whether
they are having sex or not, because it helps create and sustain bond between
them. Some women also respond to stimulation of the buttocks, the fingers, the
armpits and even the ears. Some of these parts are mostly essential during
fore-play to fully turn the wife on; however combining continued stimulation of
the parts in the process of the intercourse could help increase pleasure.
The major part of the husband’s
body for sex is the penis. The wife needs to be free to stimulate it for the
husband’s pleasure during fore-play as much as the husband allows. Apart from
this region, stimulating the man’s nipples also gives him pleasure. Kissing the
lips helps the husband connect with the wife and should not be neglected.
Though most husbands may feel that ones they are fully erect, the wife needs
not do much for intercourse to happen, I believe that mutual stimulation by
spouses help them bond and intimately connect for higher levels of pleasure and
for the exclusive connection they need as married couple. Therefore instead of
feeling satisfied and making the wife feel as though she is the only one that
requires fore-play, husbands should encourage their wives to stimulate the
sensitive parts of their body during fore play for heightened excitement that
increases pleasure during intercourse.
We have so far discussed what
applies to husbands and wives as male and female; it is the responsibility of
every couple to learn each other’s body and understand what works for each
other. The process requires asking each other during discussions. Also when
couples are playing on each other’s body, they should ask how they feel about
being touched on a particular spot. They should also watch how the other person
responds to a particular touch on a particular place. If someone begins to make
pleasant sounds, surely it is a sign that what the other person is doing was
working and should be continued. Also watch for turn-offs. It is better to
observe what turns your spouse off during sex and stop doing it than wait to be
told. Discovering each other’s body requires openness and flexibility to keep
trying what works till they get it right. The good thing is that once
discovered, spouses would always know what to do and satisfying each other
becomes much easier.
If it is taking you time to
discover your spouse’s body; don’t give up. Ensure you have the person’s
cooperation and be patient. Always focus on satisfying the other person. As you
do that, you will realize that you also enjoy satisfaction. Self-centredness
does not pay because you get what you give. The more willing you are to satisfy
your spouse; the better motivated your spouse would be to seek your
satisfaction also. It may not be smooth all the time. Sometimes both of you may
be willing and ready but the body may be tired to go on. Don’t insist at that
point because it may not be pleasurable.
I believe that this edition has been a blessing to someone. Your comments
are appreciated. Next edition we discuss ‘How to ensure your spouse’s
satisfaction’.
Talks
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