As an unmarried person, sometimes I thought I was
really missing out in enjoying sexual satisfaction. It was as though married
people were probably always having sex. However now that I have been married
for some years, I realize that it is not all the time that one really feels
like having sex. Sometimes not because of any major reason, not even because
there is no urge at all, but the desire is not just there. I am not talking
about constantly having a low libido, but moments when you notice that you are
not just in the mood for it. What happens is that a spouse tends to withdraw
without thinking of the state of the other spouse. I believe that sex is not
less an issue in marriage than other issues. Therefore when a spouse does not
feel like it for any reason, that spouse should remember that his or her body
does not belong to them alone. The spouse should have a discussion with their partner
to identify what may be the reason for the way they are feeling and seek remedy
for the good of their marriage. This article looks at possible reasons a spouse
may not feel like having sex per time and suggest specific remedies for those
reasons.
You pay much attention to social media and online
games
The smartphone can do a lot for every user; yet one
thing it fails to do is connect us physically with that special person in our
lives. The more connected one becomes with smartphones, the farther they become
physically from their partner. Without physical touch, sex does not happen in
reality.
Considering the important role smartphone plays in our
day to day lives, I would suggest that instead of throwing it away; use it to
regulate how you relate with your spouse. Set alarm on it for time with your
spouse. Spontaneity in sex is very exciting and everyone wants that; however if
gadgets are not allowing that to happen, schedule a time with your spouse. You
would still enjoy spontaneous sex within that period especially during the act.
Flexibility during the act allows for spontaneous moves that both of you would
cherish.
You are
too busy with home chores
This may be most applicable to the wife.
Oftentimes sex is least among the items on the list. There is always the
tendency to get this done and get that done. So the person becomes so tired
that they are not able to respond in the area of sex.
My first suggestion is to take time off
those chores and spend quality time with your spouse. Chores will always be
there and you can schedule when and how you attend to them. Another suggestion
is to engage your spouse in assisting you with the chores. Realizing that it is
a win-win for both of you, the spouse should assist so that you can reserve
some energy for sex when the time starts for it.
You are
letting stress win
Stress is part of life. Everyone is
stressed in one way or the other. While some people are able to carry on with
life amidst the stress, others are weighed down and it affects other areas of
their life.
Manage stress by taking time to relax. Find healthy outlets for stress, whether it is running,
a painting class or…sex! Yes, sex!! Unless your partner is directly responsible
for your stress, connecting in a physical, soulful way has been known to bring
on the happy hormones and send stress packing.
You are
doing it same way all the time
Sometimes the thought of doing it same way
all the time could lead to boredom whenever one thinks of sex. Considering that
most couples hardly have the time for an elaborate session, they tend to settle
for what’s easy and quick. Over time they tend to feel the need for a change,
but find it difficult to initiate it.
Rekindling the spark would require creating
some time to give more attention to your sexual connection. Become more
innovative and adventurous. A 2014 study reveals that if you’re motivated to
satisfy your partner’s sexual needs (within reason), your partner will detect
this attention and in turn, feel
more satisfied and committed to the relationship. So work together with
your spouse to identify what you can do, that you have not been doing. Work at
doing those things and rekindle the experience.
You are taking your spouse for granted
When
you get so comfortable about the way your spouse responds to issues, you tend
to believe that there is no need desiring him or her. The moment you do not
feel excited about your spouse any longer, the desire for sex with him or her
dwindles.
There
is need to discipline yourself about the thoughts you allow concerning your
spouse. Never feel that he or she is not really that special just because you
have been with them for long. Admiring your spouse at all times makes you want
him or her. Also position yourself to be attractive to your spouse so that the
excitement remains active.
You are pissed off with your spouse
Tensions in the home create unfriendly
atmosphere. When a spouse is angry with the other, sex with the person is the
last thing on their mind.
Engage your spouse and discuss the issue.
Resolve the difference and ensure a positive and friendly atmosphere. The
return of positive emotions towards your spouse creates room for intimacy.
Other possible reasons may
include tiredness, technical reasons that come with age and nature of one’s
sexual organ as well as body weight. Whatever is the identified reason, couples
should work together to fix it. The couple’s sex life is as important as their
financial life. It is as important as their relationship with their in-laws and
their children.
I believe that this edition has been a blessing to someone. Your
comments are appreciated. Next edition we discuss, ‘Focus on Romance’
Talks
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