FOCUS ON ROMANCE

There is a general notion that African men are not romantic. This is largely arguable but may be better understood when viewed from the general attitude to sensuality in our society. I believe that there is an attitude of shyness that goes with public expression of sensuality among African adults even when they are married. However this is changing. The idea of asking couples to kiss each other during wedding in most churches tends to break that shyness. The couple would not have been comfortable doing that while their parents were looking; but the church being a respected institution tends to have endorsed it by asking them to do so. Therefore the action opens the door for them to free themselves from any cultural inhibitions and freely express sensuality. While couples tend to think more of sex in the relationship, it is important to realise that quality sex in marriage is better achieved when couples share romance.

Romance usually implies an expression of one's strong romantic love, or one's deep and strong emotional desires to connect with another person intimately. This expression can be through verbal communication or through non-verbal gestures. It is a result of bonding that has been established between two people of opposite sex through social interactions. The nature and disposition of men and women define how they interpret romance. Hence what romance means to a man may not necessarily be what it means to a woman. The general idea of romance however, is that it is not a one-off event; it is a combination of the little acts that happen on a daily basis between married couples. What appears to happen between couples is that while the courtship lasted, they tend to be ‘all over’ each other with one inventing acts of romance to please the other. Once the marriage starts, it appears the romantic glow dims considerably. This should not be so. Apart from learning what makes for romance between the opposite sex, couples should equally learn what makes for romance to each other as individuals and apply them for the good of their marriage. Some tips to consider include:

Pillow fight: This is simply throwing pillow at each other in a manner that tries to seek who gets tired first. It is best done when the couple are alone as the excitement it generates may lead to a more intimate expression of each other.

Kissing: This act is often expressed when couples are getting ready for sex. However it is an act that should be done as often as possible. Couples should share goodbye kiss and welcome kiss. They should also share random kiss not tied to any event. Pecks on the chin are good ways of expressing romance.

Compliments: This has to do with appreciating someone’s look or action. Though women are known to really value compliments on their dress, hairdo, among others; men also value compliments especially when they have accomplished a task successfully.

Quality Time: This is often applicable to wives. When a husband decides to spend quality time with the wife, it is seen as an expression of how much the man values his wife. Quality time requires quality attention without distractions.

Take a walk together: Simple act of walking alongside each other strengthens the bond between couples. It is an expression of how they value each other. Sometimes it is extended to holding hands together also.

Acts of service: This is about helping with home chores and other personal services. Like quality time, it is often appreciated by women when the men in their lives assist them in handling certain services they are engaged in.

Phone Calls: Calling a spouse on phone to check on them during the day or to discuss nothing in particular is a romantic expression that is appreciated by men and women. It may be long or short discussion, but the idea of remembering to call is the main thing. It shows the receiver that the caller was thinking of them. 

Send an electronic message: Personalised message by SMS or any of the social media platforms is also a sign that one was thinking of the other. Couples should utilize this. Not exchanging a message during the day when couples are at work or not together for any reason is discouraged.

Send or give a gift: This could range from a bar of chocolate to an exotic car. It is not necessarily the size of the gift, but the idea of giving it and the manner of delivery make it romantic. One day I sent a courier to deliver a bar of chocolate to my wife. In another occasion I bought some items for her and asked the shop owner to deliver them the next day when I would not be around her. A friend’s wife once used me to hide a gift for the husband. She then sent a message to the husband to locate the gift in their home.

Drop a Note: Deliberately write something good about your spouse and stick or keep it where the person would not expect to find it. Discovering and reading the note, could even turn the person on.

Write a Poem: Take time to express your affection in writing to your spouse in poetic lines. Reading that, gives the person a sense of how much he or she is valued.

Take a trip together: Changing environment just to be alone with each other, offers a romantic experience. It may just be a weekend out of town trip to a nearby destination. It makes a difference in the way couples value their relationship.

I believe that instead of complaining of not getting enough sex from each other, couples should focus on romance. Achieving a mutually beneficial romantic experience in a marriage would guarantee an atmosphere for more sexual connection. It is better to pursue ways of expressing love than seek how to get more sex. The more a couple find romantic avenues to express love; the more likely they would enjoy sex with each other

I believe that this edition has been a blessing to someone. Your comments are appreciated.