There has been a
disturbing situation in our society where some husbands are found to have left
their wives in one city and are living in another city. Others even leave their
wives in one country and live in another country. Those husbands visit the
wives’ location ones in a blue moon. They are said to have provided the wives
with as much things as they would need in that location including
accommodation, car and money. However the need to satisfy sexual desire is said
to have led most of the wives to engage younger men with whom they have sex on
a regular basis. Others are said to have also been engaging in lesbianism with
other women in similar situation. This edition looks at the relationship
between money and sex for the married. Does providing money for a spouse replace
sexual satisfaction of that spouse? Should lack of money in the home be a
reason for no sex between spouses? What is the connection between handling
finance and handling sexual relationship between a married couple?
Marriage between a man and
a woman comes with shared responsibilities in various aspects. There is a place
for finance, in-laws, sex, and parenting, among others in every marriage. None
of these is expected to take the place of the other. Every couple is expected
to give the required attention to each of these issues for a balanced marriage
relationship. Sometimes however it is found that some spouses allow the
challenge they have in one aspect to affect the success of the other aspects.
This should not be the case; every challenge should be given attention in its
own merit.
The need for sex in a
marriage is vital both to the man and to the woman. Apart from being the
channel through which child bearing happens, sex helps couples bond and satisfies
their individual sexual needs. It therefore becomes absurd for some spouses to
believe that because they are providing financially for the home, the other
spouse should not bother them about sex. Though money can buy most things for
the home and help in providing some comfort, it cannot provide sexual
satisfaction. For the man, sex is a regular need and for the woman also sex is
cherished, so neither of them replaces money for the place of sex in their
individual lives. If a man works so hard and provides financially for the home,
he should also find time to satisfy the sexual needs of his wife for the good
of the marriage. Also if a woman works so hard and provides financially for the
home; she should remember that her husband has a need which money cannot
provide – he needs her for sex also.
On the other hand, lack of
money due to any reason, should not also be a reason for lack of sex in the
home. If a man is lacking financially, the wife should not deny him sex because
of that. The man should not also refrain from approaching his wife for sex because
he thinks he does not deserve to ask. Having sex with the man in such situation
may even help the man momentarily escape the possible feeling of inadequacy.
Refusing him sex would not change the situation. The solution to his situation
is getting a job or doing a business and neither of these would suddenly happen
when he is denied sex. Also if he denies himself of sex, he would likely worsen
his own situation as that would further harm his already bruised self-esteem.
Likewise a man who denies his wife sex, because he probably feels that the
woman is not contributing financially to the home, is denying himself sex.
Having sex with her at that time, helps her know she is accepted, loved and
cherished beyond bringing money. Spouses
are committed to satisfying each other sexually and this is not and should not
be based on how much each spouse is providing financially. Whoever provides
more finance is doing it for the family. It is no longer the person’s money, it
is now family finance.
Perhaps the other interesting
aspect of money and sex in the home is that couples should learn to be open
financially as much as they tend to be available sexually. A spouse who loves
having sex but hides his or her financial details to the same spouse with whom
they have sex, may be sowing a seed of distrust without knowing it. It is also
possible that some spouses are stingy in sharing sex with their spouse, because
they are hiding some aspects of their financial deals from their spouse.
Marriage calls for being intentionally vulnerable. There should be no shame and
no fear in being ‘naked’ before your spouse physically and financially. Just as
a husband and a wife has the responsibility of helping the other understand
certain areas of sex for their mutual enjoyment; the one who is stronger in
managing finance should also help the other person understand why money should
be saved and invested instead of spending it recklessly. Every couple should
build trust in financial management as well as in sexual relationship. If a
spouse develops distrust towards the other person in the area of finance, it
should be checked before it affects their trust level in having sex with that
spouse.
I believe that this edition has been a blessing to someone. Your
comments are appreciated. Next edition we discuss, ‘Rekindling your Sexual
drive’
Talks
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