These are evidences of an unhealthy sexual
relationship in a marriage. World Health Organisation (WHO) defines health as a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being
and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. Therefore it is not until
there is no sex at all that a marriage can be said to have an unhealthy sex
life. When the sex life of a marriage is beclouded by some or any of these
complains, the relationship is not healthy. A healthy sex life goes with
spiritual, physical, emotional and mental fulfilment.
This
article looks at what makes a healthy sex life in a marriage. It will highlight
the characteristics of a healthy sex life. The intention is for couples to
check what may be missing and be able to identify what to correct. The list may
not be exhaustive, but it will give a lead to whoever wants to resolve certain
unhealthy traits in the sex life of their marriage.
A
Healthy Sex Life in Marriage is:
Selfless: Marital sex should be about giving, not about taking or
getting. An unselfish approach to marital sex ensures the physical,
psychological, spiritual well-being of both spouses. When spouses are focused on
satisfying each other, they are both satisfied. Any relationship where each
spouse simply wants to take or get from the other without thinking of how the
other person feels would have complains. Questions of how, when, where, how often, what to
do –are answered by moving in the direction of what your spouse wants. For instance, a husband who is only available for sex when
he wants it, but finds reasons not to do it when the wife asks is selfish. This
also applies to a wife who often refuses the husband’s request but finds a way
to make it happen when she needs it.
Honest: Spouses may always differ when it comes to the how, where,
when, how often questions in marital sex. However an atmosphere that allows
each person to discuss their desires and fears helps the relationship thrive.
When this is not in place, one spouse may always feel forced to do what the
other person wants. Open and honest discussion is a regular part of a healthy
sex life.
Periodic: This is not in the sense of sometimes on, and sometimes
off. Rather it is in the sense of adapting
to the level of intimacy that various phases of marriage offer. For instance,
the early days of marriage comes with honeymoon experience and this increases
intimacy. However when pregnancy sets it, it tends to decline. Couples in a
healthy sex life are able to adjust as these seasons change. It does not mean
that they are off sex, but the circumstances around the relationship per time
may affect the level of intimacy. Therefore no spouse is under pressure to
prove anything at any time.
Valuable: Couples in a healthy sexual relationship do not see sex as
‘just sex’. They consider it a major part of the relationship and therefore
guard it, cherish it and value it. Every spouse in the relationship works to
improve it; prays about it and gives it priority attention. Sex is not neglected
as an after-thought in such marriage. It is not seen as something that only
happens because there is need for another baby. It is protected from external
intrusions and each other’s body is considered exclusive to the marriage.
Flexible: Sex may vary from very often to occasional, from exciting to
comfortable, from satisfying to frustrating, based on physical health, life
stresses, or other factors. In a healthy relationship husband and wife are
committed to coming together physically, and reconnect in this way frequently
and freely, but not legalistically.
Unique: In a healthy sexual relationship, husband and wife look to each other
alone for satisfaction. None seeks external satisfaction in any form including
pornography and emotional connection by digital means. Every spouse cherishes
each other’s body and considers any other source of satisfaction a third party.
Vulnerable: A healthy sexual relationship is entirely open without being ashamed.
Husband and wife realize that openness to each other at this level is without
restrictions and they do so without feeling hurt. Vulnerability also means that
none uses it to punish the other. They are available to each other and do not
use sex as a bait to do or not do something for each other.
Open to Improvements: Couples should know that they are not perfect. So like in every aspect
of marriage, there could be imperfections as far as sexual relationship is
concerned. Openness and honesty give room from continued improvement and closer
level of intimacy on a daily basis.
Well Rounded: Intercourse is just the physical aspect of sex. However a healthy sex
life is a well-rounded life that has spiritual, mental, physical and emotional
dimensions. These dimensions provide the needs a healthy sex life should meet
in a marriage. It is not ‘just sex’ it is a life of intimacy that goes beyond
the physical touch.
Guiltless: It is in marriage that sex is ordained to happen. Therefore it should
be done without a guilt feeling. A healthy sex life in marriage is clean and
righteous because it is done with the right person. Any feeling of guilt should
be rebuked, unless the person concerned is doing something outside the marriage
that has not been disclosed.
There are many of marriages
where sex does not meet these ideals, but that doesn’t mean it is impossible.
One of the challenges is that some people do not see reasons to work towards
improvement. The next edition of this article will look at why you need a healthy sex life in your marriage.
Talks
Post a Comment