DON’T RAPE YOUR SPOUSE

Rape has been described as the act of forcing someone to have sexual intercourse with one. Some people also describe it as any sexual intercourse done without the other person’s consent. Most times it is the male that is said to have raped the female. We hardly hear about female raping male.

The idea of rape revolves around the approach to sexual intercourse with a partner. Though it is often mentioned outside marriage, I have argued that some husbands may be raping their wives by the way they approach them for sex. Situations where the man just gets to bed and tells the woman that he wanted sex, and then goes straight to intercourse with little or no time for fore play, could be likened to rape.

Couples' approach to sex is a demonstration of one spouse’s respect for the other spouse. Couples who respect each other get the best from each other in all areas including sex. Though respect is often regarded as one of man’s major need in marriage; the woman equally deserves to be respected. In fact husbands who complain that their wives do not respect them are possibly taking their wives for granted.

Someone may argue that the bible already informs us that the man’s body belongs to the woman and vice versa, so why should the person not just take what belongs to them.
Well, remember that it is the other person that keeps that body; so if he or she decides that the other “owner” cannot have access to it per time, the person must wait. Your spouse’s body is not a tangible item, which you just walk in and pick; it is his or her body, you need to show value for it by approaching your spouse respectfully whenever you need it.

An intercourse between married couple should be with the highest level of honour because each spouse cherishes the other’s dignity. If they have waited till they are legally married before having sex; it should be a celebration of their undying love for each other whenever it happens. Remember that the person is your spouse; you are not stealing the act neither is the other person offering it to a customer.

When approach is not right, your spouse feels used. I was involved in resolving a marital conflict where one major complaint from the man was difficulty in getting the wife for sex. The man complained that he kept himself from sex before marriage because he wanted to be faithful to his wife. He felt frustrated that most times he found it difficult getting her for sex and when it happens, she does not usually participate; she just lays there.

The wife’s response was that the husband’s approach did not encourage her to be open to sex. This was apart from the fact that he also wanted it more frequently than she could handle. We were able to advise the husband on how important approach is and the story changed.

In fact, the husband had also complained that her refusals had delayed their conception for another child much longer than they wanted it. Less than four months after our intervention, the wife conceived. Today they have their second child as they desired. When a woman feels being used, she withdraws and the man finds it difficult to understand.

It is only an inanimate object that can be used continuously without its consent. Consistently approaching sex with your spouse against the person’s consent would eventually lead to outright refusals; it is just a matter of time.

I believe that this edition has been a blessing to someone. Your comments are appreciated.