HOW TO INVEST IN YOUR SPOUSE'S EMOTIONAL NEEDS

A Clinical psychologist and author, Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. defines an emotional need as a craving that, when satisfied, leaves you with a feeling of happiness and contentment, and, when unsatisfied, leaves you with a feeling of unhappiness and frustration. 

The above definition shows emotional needs to be strong desires; therefore meeting those needs or not doing so could make or mar a long term relationship like marriage. Investing in spouse's emotional needs deals with doing all a spouse can to meet the other's need and viewing such as an investment in the marriage.

Some people have argued that one's spouse may not be in a position to meet all their emotional needs. However as the principal companion, each spouse ought to know and make adequate investment in the marriage on a daily basis by meeting their spouse's emotional needs.

Know your Spouse's Emotional Needs: The first step to investing is proper knowledge. You cannot meet a need you know nothing about. Use every opportunity to find out what your spouse's specific emotional needs are, including asking them directly.

Suggest that both of you share with each other. I always believe that this should be done during courtship, but if it was not done at that time, it can still be done anytime in marriage. It is even possible that what was shared during courtship would require some adjustments based on experiences in marriage.

Develop a Sacrificial Mindset: Effectively meeting your spouse's emotional needs would require considering them above your own emotional needs per time. Recognizing that genuine love is sacrificial, you need to come to terms with the fact that he or she comes ahead of you in the relationship. Be willing to deal with the issues selflessly. This is one of the most important aspects of investments every spouse should make in a relationship. A sacrificial mindset goes with willingness to be vulnerable and practically place what concerns the other person ahead of yours at all times.

Learn to speak their Love Language: Languages are often spoken within a particular territory and used for interactions by those who interact in that territory. Author Gary Chapman teaches that there are five basic love languages: Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Gifts. While each spouse has theirs, it has been discovered that speaking the other person's own language is akin to investing in the person's emotional bank account. This becomes useful to the investor whenever there is need for withdrawal. It is easier to think more of one's own love language, but sacrifice in marriage requires that each spouse thinks of the other's language, so that as each person understands their language as spoken by the other, harmony is achieved.

Forgive your spouse: Certain actions can hurt one's emotion and result in misunderstanding when not well managed. Willingness to quickly forgive your spouse in such situations would guarantee harmony. Forgiveness also requires an apology or simply saying 'I'm sorry'. Even when you feel you may be right, if the other person feels hurt, please apologize for emotional reasons. In a close relationship, hurts would definitely arise, so always be willing to forgive and find ways to talk about the issues instead of bearing grudges.

Be Patient with your spouse: Sometimes reasons to forgive continue arising. It would appear as though the person is taking advantage of your willingness to forgive. Investing here requires that the other spouse remains patient, communicating and acting to influence while remaining consistent in their attitude. This includes avoiding emotional outbursts leading to physical and emotional battering. Remember that you are not perfect and both of you are to forbear for each other.

Always Say Thank You, Please: Investing in your spouse's emotional needs also include not taking them for granted. A simple way of doing this is to always remember to say 'Thank You' and 'Please' while interacting with them. Those words express courtesy and show respect for the other person's worth. Use them in every aspect of your relationship for the sake of the other person's emotion.

Investing in your spouse's emotional needs should be deliberate, strategic and sacrificial. When done properly, unnecessary squabbles in relationships are easily managed.